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moment of truth

Moment of truth,

something that I really need.

A reality check.

Definitely needed to wake myself up from this lost world.

Will it be harsh or will be joyful?

I really don’t know.

But I will find out the answer.

Until then I will see brightness and clarity in my life.

9/26/06 4:23am

Life.

Full of sorrow, tears, unhappiness, doubt and disappointment.

Full of nights staying up until the sky is bright and birds are singing their songs.

Full of confusion.

Life does not guaranteed anything.

What holds in the future, nobody can predicts and nobody will know.

What matters is the present.

Living my life at this moment.

si me amas…

我帶著一顆疲憊的心走了　我知道自己在你心裡已不重要
雖然我們曾經相聚過　也許對於你來說
已經沒有什麼值得回憶

我帶著一顆沉重的心走了　我知道自己沒有勇氣道別離
雖然我們曾經擁有過　但是對於你來說
已經沒有什麼值得回憶

難道早以註定　不能真正擁有你
難道我真心付出一切　只為了承受孤單和寂寞
我知道你不敢對我坦白　是不要看到我的傷懷
雖然你沒有說要離開我　我已經感到你不再屬於我

如果你還愛我　你不會對我如此的冷漠
又怎會讓我在漫漫長夜獨自徘徊
如果你還愛我　你不會對我如此的冷漠
我只能含著眼淚
默默的離開

Me gusta mucho ese cancion.

Es este cancion que puedo expresar mis sentimientos.

 

lame

I am extremely unproductive this 4-day weekend….nothing that was planned has been completed…I am very stupid and lazy. I really hate myself….I hate being like this…I guess there is so many stuff that bothers me a lot and I cannot focused on my studies. First of all, I was writing my resume and guess what, when I am in the “Experience” part….it is blank….BLANK….I don’t know what to write. I don’t have any research experience, I don’t have any intership experience, I don’t have any teaching experience….I am blank…..as blank as a white paper….I am so lost…I know that there are so many things that I need to do but I am so lost to the point where I don’t know how to get started. I don’t know where to start. I am so lost.

Ace P-Chem

I am sooooooooooo happy that I got an A on Physical Chemistry: Quantum Mechanics. I am just very very excited because this shows that hard work, dedication and sacrifice pay off. This is probably the only class I enjoyed this quarter. I went to almost all the professor’s office hours and I have overcome my ego a lot of times. I had the courage to ask whatever stuff that does not make sense to me. I had the courage to seek the understanding. I had the courage to critically think about what I read, what is being presented to me and what I have learned. As always….I can do it!!!!!!!!!! And I can do it well………..Very satisfied with my performance. I have told myself before seeing the grade that it is ok that I don’t get an A because I have really done my best. Nevertheless, I really enjoy this class.

How to cope with stress…

Is life in general very stressful? Are we stressful only when we age? As many people will argue that children do not experience stress, is that right? Looking back to my childhood, I have vivid, colorful, and naive memories about being a child. Being a child does not have to worry about grades, does not have to worry about money, does not have to worry about how he/she looks, does not have to worry about how society views him/her. So, my point is being a child is wonderful. But, I cannot be a child all my life. Every human has to age. As we age, there is no doubt that we will encounter stressful moments.

Reflections about UCSD…

Oh my god….it’s 2:34am Sunday,10/30/05 and I am supposed to be studying, but I have a freaking headache…And I don’t want to study…What am I studying for? Studying for the grade? Studying for the exam? Studying for knowledge? I am studying all these chemistry stuff…is this what I am interested in or is this what I should be interested in? I often ask myself why I am doing this? Why I am majoring in Biochemistry? Is this really for me?

Why do I have this mentality? This dated back when my attendace at UCSD began..After UCSD has started, my life becomes very miserable. Very Very stressed out. Very lack of sleep.Very very lost. Especially in my Analytical Chem Lab, I made so many mistakes and how come I am so behind than everyone else? I don’t really know how to exactly describe that feeling or experience but it just make me feel do I really belong here?

I guess I do expect too much from myself which makes me feel very stressful. I know that there are so many stuff that I have missed from elementary, middle school or high school….Because of this, I am working very hard to replace that…I have always try my best to excel in everything. I am so used to getting pretty high scores in tests but this time in Organic Chemisty Class I got 59% (just average) on the midterm….how disappointing….This is not what I expected because I have worked so hard…How come life is so unfair? Hard work does not equate to good grades…

After talking to my best friend ever since childhood, I feel much better about myself or at least I have changed my attitude towards school and life. She is very right, why do I need to be so stressed out about it…I am still very young…I should at least try to enjoy my life…There are many smart people at UCSD doesn’t mean that there are no stupid or below average people. I realized that I should be optimistic. Optimistic about myself, optimistic about my life and most importantly optimistic about my future….